I like to think my ceaseless mockery of smartwatches has something to do with them not catching on quite yet. Actually though, I'm sure that wrist fatigue plays a larger role…

Who wants this product?

By the time I needed to tell time for school and then work, I used the clock on my phone. This has been the case for most people for a long time now. So I do wonder who this was made for and why it's wrong to target this particular group:

  • Dick Tracy fans who fondly remember the radio watch from the comic strip: most of these people are long-dead.
  • Old people who keep looking at their wrists for the time: also many are dead, many are retired and don't need to keep time, and if they want a watch, they've probably already got one.
  • Rich people flaunting their wealth: your $600 smartwatch is a cheapo piece of glass.

That leaves us with the following groups left to sell this piece of crap to:

  • Hipsters: but only tech-savvy hipsters, not that retro trash buying shit on vinyl
  • Brand fanboys: great for revenue until we screw up and burn them with a pointless and overpriced produ… COME BACK GUYS! WE'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU!
  • Old people with too much money: which is actually a surprisingly lucrative market and about the best for this product!

Why do I care?

I really don't. In fact, I think it might be a viable thing someday, but at the moment it's a huge box strapped to your wrist, usually with a cheap band. These things cost a small fortune and don't do anything particularly useful. Once they make them smaller and more useful, I can see how at least other people might be justified in being interested in them. Me? Never. Fuck that noise.

For the moment, all I can do is have a sort of muted pity for people trying to pull these off as though they're a totally reasonable fashion/technology accessory.

Pointless Conclusion

They make these things where you can strap a scotch tape dispenser to your wrist1). Smartwatches are basically the same thing. Why would I need to strap a tape dispenser to my wrist? Well, there are reasons to do so, except these reasons are very limited and you don't look fashionable while you're doing it…

smartwatches.txt · Last modified: 2017/03/27 10:37 by admin0037
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